I just took the first wobbly steps on a tremendous journey that is so huge and exciting. I would say it’s overwhelming but I am so over being overwhelmed. ‘When I was Young’ I was a Vocal Coach and I discovered I could hear sounds inside the body with my voice. By listening with my voice I could then map out where the 12 notes of the western musical scale resonated in the body. I could then shift them back to where they were meant to be resonating bringing balance but this was all very haphazard and accidental back then. I had all the tools spread out on the floor but no idea what to do with them because they weren’t filed neatly on the shelves in my head. This is the Batgirl side of my brain (where she and Linda Carter live together next door to Purdy and Charley’s Angels Original 3 Always). Batgirl being the Librarian’s Librarian of course means everything is screaming to be classified and NEATLY filed on the Shelves of Logical Order but flick a switch in your dressing table and SWOOOOOSH the Batbike and punch ups awaits the adventurous girl. Ah sigh. Neatness. Joy.
And then there is Chaos! The antithesis of order. Scattered messily all over the floor are those strange mysterious tools that hold secrets to the human body and its health and I can’t even seem to touch them never mind find a way to process and catalogue them.
While I would have amazing moments of accidental healings with people I couldn’t help feeling a fraud as I didn’t know how it worked when it happened. I scrabbled around trying to set up a new shelf to start putting my thoughts in order but it remained relatively empty as shelves go. I knew that I had stumbled upon an idea that was important but it was too overwhelming for me back then. Now I have returned to this place of great mystery but now I understand it so much better though I still feel like I am taking a crash course at an Early Learning Centre for numskulls. That bare shelf is totally full so now there is an entire room of shelves all readied for the things that are to come. I’ve downloaded the manual too this time and for all the tools I’m reading all the instructions. Regardless of the occasional stubborn pitch I can totally manipulate any part of the body to flow with its proper tone. Sorted.
How? Well Sound Healing is the pathway I am meant to be following. I can see the entire journey unfolded before me with absolute certainty. Every step of this adventure before me is real and actual. It is all without any sense of doubt. Total clarity. This vision is not only about this pink full moon on Friday that’s just the first chord. I am completely plugged into the moon’s cycles now and it is singing to me so I understand that I must release something massive now to move forwards. We are ALL meant to be releasing massive blockages this week with wishes to the moon and the higher consciousness. My wishes to the moon, that I considered to be noble collective wishes are pointless as this is about personal healing first. It’s about fixing yourself so you can step forward into the new energies that are forming in the cosmos. When we grow, we can help others to grow as tall. But to do this we must release a massive millstone from around our necks. The full moon is in the very end zone of libra so what is the big release? It’s not about releasing the past to start afresh because that’s not how it works. The past is gone. The old life that you have lived is finished. It’s not a bankable chip you can bargain with. It’s finished with, dead, gone.
Wishes are just hopes that never manifest into anything. Wouldn’t it be nice to have this or have that? So dream a dream. Fill your present with hope and while you’re there make sure it’s a little dream. Don’t think you’re so special that you can have all the things you dream about. Just keep it simple and ask for one thing at a time. Wrong! All that will get you is more of the same. That single dream then remains just a wish, that hope is keeping alive. Oh “Wouldn’t It Be Nice”? That Beach Boys’ song was suddenly desperately trying to limp out from under a dirty wasteland in my memory where the contents were filed under “Brushed under the carpet with the Fag Ends of Existence and pretend you don’t know anything about them” beneath the floorboards under the shelves. As I wasn’t able to retrieve the song in a format clean enough to run through my memory and hear in full I reviewed the lyrics online instead. So the whole song while giving the impression of a sweet love fuelled dream of happiness is just resonating that wishful desire as a mantra that manifest just that. The dream. A great big fat hope that has no actual destination.
What I realised tonight as the moon called to me, opening up my intuition to understanding is just how this manifesting really works. I now know what I need to release to the moon to be able to have all my wishes and dreams and hopes transformed into reality. The blockage that stops all of us, “doubt”. I need to release my doubts about everything I do, or have done. We all need to release our doubts. Doubt is probably the biggest killer of hopes and dreams globally. This is stopping everyone from progressing to a joyful existence. Just one tiny momentary drop of doubt and the entire future destination you are trying to manifest is undone. Absolute certainty is what is called for. Clarity of vision. Doubt is also the weapon of choice for many dream assassins. Our friends and family who keep us tethered close to them because they don’t want you straying too far from their little world of confined comforts. They are not being mean either, not out of spite or malice, it’s just how we roll, we are nurtured to behave that way.
A few are chosen who are allowed to fly the nest and soar like angels and everyone else is just normal. Why though? Surely we can all have those dreams? Vision is only as strong as the spirit that defines it. As stable as the spirit that creates its future form. It must be envisaged in every detail. With all five senses. It must be alive and taking place in your mind if it is to become your reality. Doubt will water everything down if you let it slip in so don’t listen to anyone who doubts your dream and don’t let them pop your future life bubble, defend it. All around you friends and family will start to mock your wishes and doubt your dreams because we are all guilty of boxing people into a neat Parcel of Understanding where they must remain unchanged. We must all be allowed to continue growing all the way through life or else we choke as we splutter through our best decades to the grave.
I am certain that my Sound Healing Journey is globally massive I didn’t write ‘will be’ as that would only manifest more hope. Instead I know for certainty that this will all happen as I have seen, heard, touched, smelt and tasted much of what is ahead of me now. I know I ought to feel overwhelmed but instead I’m excited as I no longer have any doubts. I did once and you can read about all those doubts and struggles I recently grappled with on here but they are finally done with. This full pink moon will then open a vast series of brand new doors all shiny with wonder and amazement. I have spent 50 years questioning my purpose and never ever feeling fulfilled by anything I’ve ever done. That sense of wasted potential was plugged into my head and feeding me with woeful depressive thoughts so dark I almost let those traumatic thoughts destroy me entirely. But my optimism and curiosity managed to find a way to suppress the bad patterns and break them to create new better thoughts.
Now I am daily skipping through my future, riding on my pink ribboned, fairy-bell tipped hobbyhorse naked like Lady Godiva. You can all stare open mouthed too but I am shameless now I’m doubtless. I wrote to a local paper wanting an interview and I am still waiting for even a reply to say ‘No sorry’ You see I am still wanting and waiting. Oh wouldn’t it be nice… Wanting begets more want. I told them all about me and my wonderful journey that I went on to get here but what’s the point of that? It’s finished. Biographies are good but they are not who the person is today its who they were, not who they are. Yes it’s true too that what they were, made them who they are today. But it’s actually how they behave today that is who they really are now. Our present takes us forward not out past. Not what we knew to change or what we want but what we know to be our destiny. That’s what the moon likes to see. Purpose, not wishy washy hopeful dreams. I had clarity of mind that the other local paper I had written to would manifest and it did. In the doorway to my favourite food shop when I was beautifully woken from a reverie by Zelly from the very paper. We met just once a long time ago when I recognised Zelly but didn’t actually know her. That was my 6th sense kicking in to start a connection that was predestined. Love it.
So you see I don’t want anything now, I have no dreams or hopes. Instead I have a fixed certainty. I am getting everything that I used to continually wish for and dream about. Everything comes in its rightful moment and I know I am getting it all. I have never been so certain of anything, ever. Oh apart from my studio, I was certain about that too. So this pink moon will wax full just shortly before midday and I will be there giving up all my doubts so that I might break free from the restrictions of my hopes. Hope is to be avoided at all costs as it cannot not deliver on your dreams. Hope is a trap to stop you growing into the best version of you.
Wouldn’t it be nice? I doubt it very much. Won’t it be nice! Yes it will, won’t it? Oh the hidden mantra qualities that are contained within negative tag questions are just beautiful, aren’t they? So stop wishing on a star and start living a better reality. Watch this space for my many manifestations that are streaming in as I type.